Happy Holidays! Yesterday, I felt weird. My stomach ached the way it usually does when I begin to lose weight. I tell myself that it is not wanting to give up on all the fat that it has acquired and so it fights with all of its might to keep it on. I knew there was no way in hell I had lost weight because it was the day after Christmas and I had baked over 12 dozen different cookies, made cheesecake, baked muffins and so on and so forth. With each of these things, I taste what I make. Go figure.
But there I was...on the scale...and OMG, I had lost 7 pounds since my last post. I was at 299. I haven't broken the 300 mark in months. Woohoo! I'm learning to love that pain in my stomach. Today, I woke up wanting to do more. I took down the tree/trimmings and hauled it all out to the pole barn. It felt good. Tomorrow, I'm going to do something else productive. I can't wait.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Introduction
Let me preface this with, I start many a new project and have a hell of a time completing it. This being my new project is for me and I need to remember that every single day. I need to think of me.
ME: 40 year old wife and mom of three beautiful, intelligent, feisty and funny children. I love meeting new people and getting involved with my children's school and helping my husband develop his business. On my 40th birthday, I moved halfway across the country with my family and went from being a Texan for 40 years to being a New Yorker...from living on a 0.23 acre of land to living in a farm house on 40 acres. I see interesting times ahead. But that really isn't ME, is it? That is who I care for where I live but not me. I am a curly auburn haired, freckle faced, voluptuous, funny, smart, caring, loving, dependable, sometimes over the top, obnoxious, omnipotent woman. Maybe not omnipotent.
After the birth of my third child, I reached the heaviest weight of my life...a whopping, yes I said whopping, 318 lbs...three hundred and eighteen pounds. It feels horrible to say and yet here I am typing it. Oh, I went down a little and up a little and then I stayed around 306 lbs. for a few months. On Sunday, December 18, 2011, I weighed myself and I was 304.4 lbs. according to my Weight Watchers scale.
My last visit to my doctor was not fabulous. She mentioned weight loss surgery and I am not quite ready to give up on myself and the ability within myself to deal with what I have done to myself. I have high blood pressure that I take medication for. I believe I have sleep apnea since my husband thinks I snore. I also have been having very bad pain in my lower right pelvic area for about 7 months and it is getting worse..still trying to figure out what that is.
My biggest fear is to leave my three children without their mom and I don't think I am ready to do that right now.
I am not exactly active and I am a closet eater...two things I create to make it harder. I have been known to go through a drive thru on the way home or grab a couple of donuts or candy bars from the grocery store and devour them before I got home. And then I claim to have no idea why I am not losing weight when I am clearly not eating near as much dinner as I used to. Amazing.
About a year ago, I realized where all of this started. I was not a heavy child until around age seven when my step father made the decision to sexually abuse me. My family told me not to talk to anyone about it and basically to just "get over it." Looking back on my childhood pictures, I can see where my 'getting over it' began. So, now that I have my reason for how all this started, it is up to me to get the gumption to not let that man have any more control on my life than he already has had. I make my own decisions and I choose life. I choose a healthy life. I choose to spend many more years with my family...my kiddos.
On Sunday, I started back with all of my Weight Watchers paraphernalia. I am allowed 37 points per day. I have gone over my points total every single day so far, but I am writing it down and taking the extra points away from the 35 bonus points for that week. I am not cheating. This is the Weight Watchers Momentum plan, not the Points Plus one they are doing now.
I have also looked into O.A. - Over-eaters Anonymous. They are having a meeting this Saturday and I think I need to go. I feel I need to go. I need support because I don't know if I can do this all by myself.
Well, here goes everything...care to join my on this new adventure?
ME: 40 year old wife and mom of three beautiful, intelligent, feisty and funny children. I love meeting new people and getting involved with my children's school and helping my husband develop his business. On my 40th birthday, I moved halfway across the country with my family and went from being a Texan for 40 years to being a New Yorker...from living on a 0.23 acre of land to living in a farm house on 40 acres. I see interesting times ahead. But that really isn't ME, is it? That is who I care for where I live but not me. I am a curly auburn haired, freckle faced, voluptuous, funny, smart, caring, loving, dependable, sometimes over the top, obnoxious, omnipotent woman. Maybe not omnipotent.
After the birth of my third child, I reached the heaviest weight of my life...a whopping, yes I said whopping, 318 lbs...three hundred and eighteen pounds. It feels horrible to say and yet here I am typing it. Oh, I went down a little and up a little and then I stayed around 306 lbs. for a few months. On Sunday, December 18, 2011, I weighed myself and I was 304.4 lbs. according to my Weight Watchers scale.
My last visit to my doctor was not fabulous. She mentioned weight loss surgery and I am not quite ready to give up on myself and the ability within myself to deal with what I have done to myself. I have high blood pressure that I take medication for. I believe I have sleep apnea since my husband thinks I snore. I also have been having very bad pain in my lower right pelvic area for about 7 months and it is getting worse..still trying to figure out what that is.
My biggest fear is to leave my three children without their mom and I don't think I am ready to do that right now.
I am not exactly active and I am a closet eater...two things I create to make it harder. I have been known to go through a drive thru on the way home or grab a couple of donuts or candy bars from the grocery store and devour them before I got home. And then I claim to have no idea why I am not losing weight when I am clearly not eating near as much dinner as I used to. Amazing.
About a year ago, I realized where all of this started. I was not a heavy child until around age seven when my step father made the decision to sexually abuse me. My family told me not to talk to anyone about it and basically to just "get over it." Looking back on my childhood pictures, I can see where my 'getting over it' began. So, now that I have my reason for how all this started, it is up to me to get the gumption to not let that man have any more control on my life than he already has had. I make my own decisions and I choose life. I choose a healthy life. I choose to spend many more years with my family...my kiddos.
On Sunday, I started back with all of my Weight Watchers paraphernalia. I am allowed 37 points per day. I have gone over my points total every single day so far, but I am writing it down and taking the extra points away from the 35 bonus points for that week. I am not cheating. This is the Weight Watchers Momentum plan, not the Points Plus one they are doing now.
I have also looked into O.A. - Over-eaters Anonymous. They are having a meeting this Saturday and I think I need to go. I feel I need to go. I need support because I don't know if I can do this all by myself.
Well, here goes everything...care to join my on this new adventure?
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